Man Gets Penis Stuck In Toaster!

Firefighters came to the rescue of a man in distress when he got his penis stuck in a toaster. It is unclear exactly what the humiliated gentleman had been up to, but fortunately London’s finest arrived to extricate his manhood from the electrical device.

Unbelievably, another adventurer rivaled his ridiculous antics by somehow getting his member lodged in a vacuum cleaner. The ultra-professional London Fire Brigade staff have had to free 79 people from handcuffs in the last three years alone.

These embarrassing incidents are just some of 1,300 involving people being trapped or stuck which have been attended by London Fire Brigade since 2010. Each rescue mission costs at least £290 ($489) to deal with, meaning they have set the taxpayer back at least £377,000 ($636,000) in total.

Third Officer, Dave Brown, said: “Some of the incidents our firefighters are called out could be prevented with a little common sense.”

I don’t know whether it’s the Fifty Shades effect, but the number of incidents involving items like handcuffs seems to have gone up.”

“I’m sure most people will be Fifty Shades of red by the time our crews arrive to free them. I’d like to remind everyone 999 is an emergency number and should only be used as such.”

“When firefighters are out attending to some of these avoidable incidents, someone else could be in real need of emergency assistance.” In 2010-2011, crews attended 416 incidents, rising to 441 incidents in 2011-2012 and 453 incidents in 2012-2013. A total of 307 people were injured as a result.

Crews are called to more than one incident every day involving someone trapped or stuck with the most common being people with rings stuck on their fingers, accounting for almost 500 call outs over the last three years. On the subject of rings, a brigade spokesperson added: “Our advice is simple: if the ring doesn’t fit, don’t force it on.

As well as being painful, you could end up wasting emergency service time if you have to call us out.”

Source: The Mirror